It's not about my vulnerability. My life policy tends to run on the general plan of just be honest and open. Through that, my vulnerability dissipates. If I'm open with everyone, then few can actually hurt me - perhaps. I've largely stayed out of moral and emotional trouble by following this policy to the best of my ability.
The fear I talk about stems from social constructs of "relationship norms." When someone gets out of a relationship, it's expected that they take time to grieve. To be single. To "figure things out." But who's to say that's the right process. Why not get into a relationship right away? If I've spent all this time in a relationship, with a solid amount of mindfulness and self-awareness, then shouldn't I be able to simply learn from that experience and move on to another one? According to a lot of the friends I've talked to, no, that's not enough. I "need to stay out of a relationship and be single for a little while and get to know myself." But why? Isn't there enough of a learning process in being in a relationship? At this point in my life, the "getting to know myself" part includes knowing myself in a relationship and finding balance between my independence - my friends, spending time with them, my passions, my interests - and my partnership with Him.
Balance is key.
Dictionary says:
- mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.
- the power or ability to decide an outcome by throwing one's strength, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.
Ideally, I am able to maintain calm behavior and judgment throughout; to create equilibrium between relationship and friends; to be mindful of the people around me and most importantly, of myself. I have a tendency to lose myself in relationships. Loss of Her, neglect of Her, Her friends. the present concern. Maintaining balance over Her life terrifies Her.
As I learn to surf, I know that His ability to inspire Her will assist in her balance. I love Him. His passion for life. For film. For photography. For Her. He is a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to Her. The energy permeating between Us encourages me to just be. Who I am. With Him. With Her. Together. Separate.
Balance.
