The Us Project

On a bus..

2008-10-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you. For your compassion, understanding, patience, effort, love. Words don't convey how grateful I am for you and everything you do for me. Everything you do for my process and growth as a human. You are a true partner. I love you more than I've ever known I could love someone.

Hope your day isn't too tired. :)

Moments Apart

2008-09-21T23:43:00.000-07:00

Taking nights off to do other things is one of the greatest things I can do for myself and for you right now. Every time I do that, I further solidify my choice in you on an even deeper level. For more reasons. Different reasons. Each day I find a new reason to love you more.

I love it. I love you. I love Us.

there is no greater

2008-09-16T02:00:00.001-07:00

pleasure in this life
than giving pleasure
to you

I think Moby has your cat.

2008-08-17T01:54:00.001-07:00

Hello Friend of Us,

Any sentence fragment + Moby = funny.

I appreciate your concern today.

I don't how much of what I've said and wrote to Her that she's shared with you, but one of my favorite themes is choice.

I want to be chosen, every day.

I want the constant evaluation, where she's always answering: "Is this the best man I know?"

And I want the answer to be yes, without compromise.

Sooooooo..... I have to live up to that. Live up to what I've written and said.

Because that's what I want: to be the best man she knows, the best man she will ever know.

If she were to choose me, I would pleased.

But if she doesn't, I'm not going to act like an asshole.

That doesn't make me a better man, you see?

Every choice I make these days is based on "does this make me a better man?"

It's quite useful. Keeps me from eating candy and getting fat.

One big reason this thinking works is that my love for Her is already very actualized.

Our creative collaboration provides an uncompromised relationship that is mutually beneficial, progressive, and actual.

Things like this may ripple across my heart, but it's only in passing. Fucking Moby!

Actually, the thing with Moby is only tough because now I have to make five hundred fucking million dollars.

-Him

Darn it!

2008-04-12T01:34:00.001-07:00

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

-When Harry Met Sally

You're Supposed to Sing, or Dance, While the Music is Being Played

2008-04-01T23:01:00.001-07:00

Moments

2008-04-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

There are moments of clarity when the love just permeates through to me. Those are the moments that keep me holding on, determined to work through this push/pull in my head. Last night, one moment. Then into the car, this song begins...

Allow Me This

2008-03-31T00:15:00.000-07:00

The darkness with us? Sure.

But so is the light, the grinning, swelling, exploding beauty of love love love love LOVE.

I heard this on the way home from you tonight.

Daily Download #00011: The Darkness Is Always With Us

2008-03-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

"Ordinary cycles of opening and closing are necessary medicine for our heart's integration. In some cases, though, there are not just cycles, there is a crash.

As far as we ascend, so far can we fall. This too needs to be included in our maps of spiritual life, honored as one more part of the great cycle.

A Zen koan, asked of students who have experienced a first awakening: "A clearly enlightened person falls in the well. How is this so?"

One Zen master reminds his students, "After any powerful spiritual experience, there is an inevitable descent, a struggle to embody what we have seen."

The well we fall into can be created by clinging to our experience and spiritual ideals or by holding inflated ideas about our teachers, our path, or our self.

The well can be the unfinished business of our psychological and emotional life--an unwillingness to acknowledge our own shadow, to include the human needs, the pain, and the darkness that we carry, to see that we always have one foot in the dark. As bright as it is, the universe also needs us to open to its other side."

-Jack K.

Either Way...

2008-03-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

Good and Bad, At Once

2008-03-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Re: Duma Key

2008-03-28T02:46:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching my various mindlessly entertaining shows, walked back to my room, realized I still have to make the bed, thought about your putting my sheets into the dryer and smiled. Then I walked over to my desk intending to email you a dentist appointment reminder and discovered your checkbook and this lovely post. This is all very hard for me. I've never been faced with seemingly huge decisions coupled with this overwhelming sense of awareness yet still peppered with confusion. I'm scared. I'm scared of fully letting you in. I'm scared of becoming physically intimate with you. I'm scared of really truly allowing myself to be loved further than I've ever been before. I'm scared that if I give myself in the ways that I have in the past, I will get hurt like I did in that past. I'm trying to protect myself from the pain I chose to endure for almost four years. I'm terrified. And it wasn't until I walked into my room and discovered my unmade bed that I realized that. You're amazing. I love you. I'm in love with you. I just need us both to approach a bit more slowly than we have been. I'm coming from a very very tender place. And I need patience. As much as I said that I'm open with everyone, I don't know if I truly believe that anymore. I talk to people about whatever I want, personal things, sex, whatever, without fear of their judgment, but I still keep people at bay. I allow people to love me, really love me, only so far. There is something in me that you've tapped into that I'm scared of - success. I see such immense potential and I'm scared shitless of being a success in my own life. I've never followed through with anything: high school, guitar, piano, exercising regularly, relationships, etcetera etcetera. It's finally starting to make sense, and I think I finally have a inkling of understanding why I've been so cripplingly confused lately.

(that and the medicine...what a huge lightbulb that was!)

don't forget the dentist appointment!

xoxoxoxox - her

Duma Key

2008-03-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

Just finished my Stephen King book, Duma Key. Scary! And good.

I've been reading since I got home, making it hard to think about today.

But in those moments where I paused, your scent was there.

Is here now.

We meet.

You give me tea, the fog pulls away.

I give you a camera, because I want to see what you see.

We ride, at last!

Zebras, lemurs, mouth-farting apes, babies, children, aviary, meerkat manor.

Your tears; my hurt; our confusion.

Then: laughter.

And something growing cold, melts a little.

You give me gloves, and a ride.

We drink coffee, eat cheese, but no animals.

We talk.

We share, we learn, and find a way.

I hope you are at peace with us tonight.

And tomorrow, and tomorrow.

Just remember that one moment, where it was simple, made sense, felt good.

That's where we make our place.

That's where we meet.

I think it was when we were ordering cheese?

With love,
Him

Daily Download #00010

2008-03-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

My head is on fire with confusion. I feel like I'm crazy. How could it take this turn. Why now? What of it? I don't have answers and feel horrible for that. I just wish I knew...

20 Rupees

2008-03-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

A glass jar, filled with red.
I hold it, slosh it around, smell and hear it.

The lid won't come off,
I strain against it, eyes wild.

There's love in there,
I'm sure.

Bottled somehow, sealed away.
I can see it, but I can't feel it.

You find me, you watch me.
I don't notice, I strain.

Your hands on mine,
I jump, spell broken.

Let me have it,
you say.

I look up at you,
memories flashing.

And my hands are empty,
except for the buzz of your touch.

It was a 20 Rupee potion.
A red jar on a shelf.

Your hair is on my pillow.

Re: Daily Download #00009

2008-03-18T16:31:00.000-07:00

The Shakespeare quote sums up the rumbling thoughts I've had on your DD.

We were not seeking this love, but here it is, fully formed, given freely.

Time, energy, resources... how best to build, grow, and sustain our willingness to give?

It's this will to give that continues to surprise me the most.

If the challenge of relationships is doing the work, making the effort to push through resistance, what if there is no resistance?

Now admittedly, we're but one month on this journey. But we've both been on similar roads before, and we both are reporting back that there is something different.

Something very different.

Love given freely, without fear, or doubt, is incredibly potent.

Time

2008-03-18T16:24:00.000-07:00

"Love sought is good, but given unsought is better"
Twelfth Night, Act iii, Sc.1

Nothin's New Forever...

2008-03-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

One Month :)

Daily Download #00009

2008-03-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

I love you more every day. I don't know how this happened. I've been struck with wonder surrounding how excited I was to see you last night. How I truly feel that no matter where we are geographically, I can be happy with you. We play off of each other in a way that makes me giddy and exited and hopeful for the future. However, when I think about the future with you, I don't see it as an end goal. I see it as little moments all tied together to form this path together. Side-by-side. There's no sense of urgency to arrive at any certain place. I can simply enjoy sitting in a diner eating, talking, listening, absorbing the energy you give. I am at ease to just be in the moment with you. Calm. Content.

Whatever, Together.

2008-03-12T01:18:00.000-07:00

Jazz

2008-03-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

Remembering.

Not easy, or hard.

Those moments.

There's something.

I don't remember why.

Or how.

Remember that small moment?

I do.

It circles around, and around.

Different this time.

Every time.

Maybe I'll learn.

Maybe I'll remember

Learn your place.

Remember your place.

I'll remember.

Re: Daily Download #00008

2008-03-11T00:35:00.000-07:00

Once again, I go back to balance. There is a healthy balance between our similarities and differences. This balance is a product of our realized individual selves. In the past, I've tried to conform to a person I had interest in only for their interest to be lost as a result. Similarly, I've experienced someone conforming to my personality and interests only to lose interest in them. We are at a place in our self actualization process where we've found security in being simply who we are.

Our sync points were there before we met. They weren't forced or conformed. They're genuine and organic. We really just are this compatible. There is true merit in this compatibility for the reasons you've stated - it allows us to simply use our loving energy for things other than smoothing over and filling in gaps. That energy has been an evident motivator for me. The love I give you and the love I receive, because it's not simply filling in gaps, has created an energy within me to be a better human. To grow. To realize my potential. To work at this. I see such long term potential because of this. And it's real.

I'm hoping with chance, you might take this dance...

Daily Download #00008

2008-03-08T00:53:00.000-08:00

In DD#00001 I said that love is easy. Love just appears inside us, no effort required.

What's hard is what takes effort: the work it takes to make a relationship function and thrive.

However, all of us, no matter how much we may be "in" love, have a limit of what we can offer, can give.

A huge challenge is to make sure what we give goes towards choices and actions that actually have impact, create a stronger connection, and deeper trust; putting love's energy into building something lasting.

What makes this challenging is that love is also used to "smooth over" or "look past" stuff in our partners that we would otherwise be annoyed with, bothered by, or distracted by.

Love's energy can fill in gaps to help a couple better fit together, but what love is used this way cannot be used in another, making some percentage of your available energy always devoted to the effort if smoothing, forgiving, and looking past.

The fewer of these ill-fitting attributes, the more energy available for the building, the concrete effort of building and maintaing a relationship.

Or, more simply, the more compatible you are as people, the more successful you'll be as lovers.

At this point in our discovery, we are deeply compatible people. We share so many fundamental interests, perspectives, and opinions... its simply astonishing, thrilling!

These fundamental personality compatibilities limit our day-to-day personality frictions, giving us more energy to devote to concrete expressions of our mutual love.

That we are just getting started in this discovery makes me all the more optimistic. We will inevitably find some stuff that bothers the other, but we'll also find more sync points. The basic core of our natures point us along the same trajectory, providing us similar, but different perspectives. We are not the same, but what we share is so fundamental that when we finally took the time to really get know to each other, we instantly became old friends.

Its rare to encounter such people, those with whom you immediately, fundamentally connect with.

Its vastly more rare for you and a new person to share a potent mutual physical attraction, be single, and be open to such a powerful connection.

You gotta play to win; we were and we did!

Decisions

2008-03-07T12:00:00.001-08:00

Re: Daily Download #00007

2008-03-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

Too many overlapping words, thoughts, feelings.

It feels so absolutely appropriate and honest to simply sit and consider you, Us.

This consideration creates continuous feeling of discovery.

And that is very exciting.

Daily Download #00007

2008-03-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

Consideration

the act of considering; careful thought; meditation; deliberation

something that is or is to be kept in mind in making a decision, evaluating facts, etc.

thoughtful or sympathetic regard or respect; thoughtfulness for others

Our careful consideration is part of what makes this great. We're loving, open, finding balance, and optimistic in our choice to be together. But we're able to do all of this because of the consideration, the thoughtfulness, the respect we have dedicated to ourselves, to each other and to making that choice.

We've both received mixed responses about our newfound love for each other, about our excitement. People are easily able to write it off as if we're just "some kids who have no idea what we're getting ourselves into." As if we're setting ourselves up for heartbreak. Well I say, flat out "no" to the former, and "maybe" to the latter. But isn't that what all new relationships have potential for? There is risk involved in getting to know someone, choosing to share a part of myself with someone else.

However, because of our openness and ability to communicate, here and otherwise, I think our optimism is nothing but healthy because we've been realistic about everything - pragmatic. There are hopes, but not concrete expectations. There is room for disappointment, but it's not the dominating factor. It's there, but we choose to focus on the positive.

We are thoughtful and considerate of each other and of the relationship, and through that, we hope for continued greatness.

California Stars

2008-03-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

Today my thoughts were of dancing to this song with you on Easter Island...

Re: Re: Daily Download #00006

2008-03-04T11:18:00.000-08:00

Self. Fulfilling. Prophecy...

I choose optimism.

Re: Daily Download #00006

2008-03-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

Pessimism

a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future

Its much "safer" to expect the worst as protection against the pain and disappointment of love's broken promises.

There's an easy cynicism of romantic love that permeates much of our culture; a willful dismissal, a total rejection of the possibility that a couple might maintain our current intensity across decades, let alone six months. This a the safe perspective, because what we're experiencing is perhaps rare. We are fortunate, no doubt.

However, isn't luck best defined as "preparation meets opportunity"?

If you don't expect real, life-long, inspirational, motivational, and ecstatic love in your life, you're simply not going to find it, ever. You won't see it, because you're not prepared, not creating the opportunity.

But if are you open to the souls around you, and if you cultivate an inner world of love, of loving-kindness, of compassion, if you are a LOVER OF LIFE, it seems to me, an optimist, that love will find you, because you are already in love, you are love.

Love finds me every day, and I am ready.

So, yes to optimism. :)

Daily Download #00006

2008-03-03T19:17:00.000-08:00

Optimism.

a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

I will extend the definition above by adding: the work and effort put forth with my fullest effort to seek the favorable outcome. I don't see benefit in simply thinking optimistically. I can think as much as I want to, just like I can write here as much as I want to, but if I'm not putting in effort, then the thought is futile.

I am willing to do this. I am willing to work. I am hopeful with a healthy amount of hesitation. I am optimistic about this relationship.

And if I can do this for the rest of my life, I will.

Re: Daily Download #00005

2008-03-02T22:50:00.001-08:00

Yes.

Daily Download #00005

2008-03-02T22:13:00.001-08:00

Yes.

Re: Daily Download #00004

2008-03-02T13:50:00.000-08:00

Benjamin Franklin said: The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either.

Though Mr. Franklin spoke this of government, it applies to all relationships.

Freedom:

the power to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint

the power of self-determination attributed to the will; the quality of being independent from faith and necessity

The freedom to fully be myself is a realization of this relationship between Us that has literally brought me to tears at times. That I’ve never once felt judged or less than, coupled with the knowledge that I do have choice is itself freedom. Never have i felt the need to alter who I am to please Him. Simply who. I. am. is enough. I love Him for Him. Not some idea of Him. He is who he appears to be - genuine, sincere, loving. The choice I make on a daily basis is not a difficult one thus far. He encourages me to be me and to further explore me.

Restraint only creates a false sense of security. If I am free to choose and have the ability to explore all options, then I know the person I do choose is special. I find the same strength in questioning all of my beliefs. Through the exploration and then armed with the knowledge of the alternatives, I can discover and strengthen what I believe. If I blindly believe something, then I’m only ignorant. The freedom of choice gives great power.

Fear suppresses exploration of each other. Of others. Of ourselves. If we're scared of losing each other, threatened by someone else, something else, by ourselves, then we'll never reach the infinite potential we have. As individuals. Together. Through exploration, we gain insight to make an informed decision.

We are free. Free to choose each other. Or not. Free to explore other people. Or not. Free to love. To be loved.

Freedom.

Daily Download #00004

2008-03-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

Choice.

An act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.

The right or ability to make, or possibility of making, such a selection.

The range of possibilities from which one or more may be selected.

A course of action, thing, or person that is selected or decided upon.

The right to choose.

The range of possibilities.

A course of action.

I want Her to choose me. Every day. Each moment.

And for Her to be able to make that choice, she must be Free.

The bound, the obligated, the slave have no choices to make.

The magic time we are experiencing is directly the result of the freedom of choice.

Looking across the range of possibilities, we chose, and took action.

Our choice has impact, has energy, has magic, because we are free, free to chose each other.

So this magic we are experiencing flows completely from choice.

A freely made, and carefully considered, choice to unfold into the mind/heart/spirit of the other.

This unfolding, which is life's only real project, does not flourish while bound.

To preserve this romantic explosion of love.

To support the lifelong effort to unfold ourselves.

We must be free.

What binding there is will be of our own making.

Shared effort, commitment to mutual progress, creative collaboration and, perhaps, new life.

Those are our bonds, if we choose them.

A bonding of free souls, intertwined in a life-long dance.

Whew, that's romance baby!

sleepless

2008-02-29T10:21:00.000-08:00

Another night of no sleep.

My head doesn't stop.

The hesitations.

The questions.

The beauty.

The love.

Ok.

g/night

2008-02-29T00:13:00.000-08:00

I believe tonight I'll finally sleep... Thank you.

re: g/morning

2008-02-28T13:23:00.000-08:00

Here we are, with this good wave washing over us, and thankfully we seem to have learned to swim. It feels good to be suddenly back in the water, and we're comfortable. This is deeply unexpected to us both, fer sure.

I mused here for a bit on a scene of the two of us floating in actual water, a warm tropical beach, a lagoon, few to no actual waves... just floating in the sun, fingers touching.

And that's just it. I have no problem imagining simple, or intense, futures with you. From floating to buying a house to childbirth to landing on the moon to hitting plaid speed in our new intergalactic spacecraft (intergalactic is a big, big deal... Star Trek/Wars never had intergalactic travel.)

The buzz of the moment, the shock of our sudden recognition, certainly, certainly, certainly plays into it. These are the heady times, drunk on our magics.

But, well, but. Us feels different. Us feels tangible in a way that is unique. Us doesn't feel pushed, squeezed, jammed into something its not, or can't be.

Sigh, that was a lot of words to agree with your waking idea. Go figure. :)

Happiness right now is Life's gift to Us.

Happiness in the permanent tomorrow is our gift to Us.

Wrapped with care.

Anyways, I bet any friend would happily change places with us, for just one day's taste of our wave.

g/morning.

2008-02-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

I literally just woke up with this thought in my head:

I shouldn't act in hopes that others will approve later. I should act so that I'm happy now.

(I think it was worded better, but through the fogginess of reaching to my phone and realizing I'd missed the All Points West presale (arg!), I lost its original eloquence. The overall point is still the same. ...and now back to sleep.)

Foreplay

2008-02-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

Re: Daily Download #00003

2008-02-27T12:09:00.000-08:00

Fear.

It's not about my vulnerability. My life policy tends to run on the general plan of just be honest and open. Through that, my vulnerability dissipates. If I'm open with everyone, then few can actually hurt me - perhaps. I've largely stayed out of moral and emotional trouble by following this policy to the best of my ability.

The fear I talk about stems from social constructs of "relationship norms." When someone gets out of a relationship, it's expected that they take time to grieve. To be single. To "figure things out." But who's to say that's the right process. Why not get into a relationship right away? If I've spent all this time in a relationship, with a solid amount of mindfulness and self-awareness, then shouldn't I be able to simply learn from that experience and move on to another one? According to a lot of the friends I've talked to, no, that's not enough. I "need to stay out of a relationship and be single for a little while and get to know myself." But why? Isn't there enough of a learning process in being in a relationship? At this point in my life, the "getting to know myself" part includes knowing myself in a relationship and finding balance between my independence - my friends, spending time with them, my passions, my interests - and my partnership with Him.

Balance is key.

Dictionary says:

mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

the power or ability to decide an outcome by throwing one's strength, influence, support, or the like, to one side or the other.

Ideally, I am able to maintain calm behavior and judgment throughout; to create equilibrium between relationship and friends; to be mindful of the people around me and most importantly, of myself. I have a tendency to lose myself in relationships. Loss of Her, neglect of Her, Her friends. the present concern. Maintaining balance over Her life terrifies Her.

As I learn to surf, I know that His ability to inspire Her will assist in her balance. I love Him. His passion for life. For film. For photography. For Her. He is a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to Her. The energy permeating between Us encourages me to just be. Who I am. With Him. With Her. Together. Separate.

Balance.

Daily Download #00003

2008-02-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

Fear.

It's here, lurking amongst all the surging greatness.

Thankfully, the fear is not asserting itself, but it's not entirely quiet.

All the words I consider to describe this fear seem all to be describing one thing:

Life.

Fear of living.

Fear of being vulnerable to stuff I know has a sharp, sharp edge.

Fear of being discovered, seen, known... and ultimately rejected.

Fear of not measuring up. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being alive.

I would have said not even a week ago it would be easier to ignore the potential, the obvious immediate potency of Us, than to to confront this fear.

Just a few days ago, I would have told anyone who asked: I am not available to love, not capable of feeling love right now, I am in transition.

I had a lot ways to say: I am afraid.

So what changed so hugely that it would be harder, much harder to deny this new Us?

Here's my guess.

It's easy to deny the wave, to resist the wave, to forget the wave, when you're standing on the beach, fingers in your ears, head in the sand.

But when the wave comes and takes you, its simply a lie to say there is no wave. To deny it is simply the choice to drown.

So I have been swept into Us, and I can't pretend Us isn't real. I feel power of Us surging inside me. I feel tears in my eyes when I see a picture of you. I grin when you giggle across the internet and through my Mac. I click through your photos over and over, enjoying the world through your eyes.

It takes no effort. I am in the wave, I am swimming, grinning, expanding into our new space, this new Us. Thanks errant wave! Or dutiful wave?

But the fear was not left on the beach. Its right here. In both of us. It asks for caution. It looks for errors in our evaluations. It ticks away the time between conversations, emails, messages... sending up whispers of doubt.

The fear looks back at the beach, always; that lonely patch of sand with room for one and no sharp objects.

Life smashes us all into existence, and life breaks us all apart. A celebration of life literally brought our paths into sync.

To be afraid is natural. Fear of pain, of life's end, is itself perfectly reasonable.

But we can't deny the wave.

Not if we want to live.

Best we learn to surf, I think.

crazed?

2008-02-26T23:47:00.000-08:00

I'm too tired to sleep, and my head is crowded with thoughts of Him. Hesitations? Emotions. Fear? Love? Yes, love. But what of it? Where do i go from here? Where do i allow this energy, this love, for Him to take me. Take us.

How do I know this is different? How can this happen so quickly? That newness? That initial excitement? How do we sustain it? Is it possible?

So many questions... to quote Him, "words words words." I guess it's all in what actions I take. We take.

And Her Lights Him On Fire

2008-02-26T20:39:00.000-08:00

Thankfully.

Him gives Her butterflies

2008-02-26T20:37:00.001-08:00

Like no other.

Re: Daily Download #00002

2008-02-26T00:39:00.000-08:00

What I like most about this type of open is that i don't feel a need or desire to seek anything from anyone else. Tonight I felt like we were alone. Just us surrounded by the cacophony of the restaurant. But you and I.. I am open to you and you me. There is no door, simply open space for this love to flow. If the door exists, the work that is required to hold it open is the understanding and respect.. the hard parts.

Three years ago.. my start date: June 12. If that was the date, I'm not sure. It was a Sunday. You likely have a group photo from that day?

Sleep sounds nice. Your warmth is preferred. Soon....

Peel all of your layers off... I want to eat your artichoke heart...

Daily Download #00002

2008-02-25T23:52:00.000-08:00

Open.

We are in an open relationship.

I know that "open" is used to mean "sexually available to others", but I like the real meaning better.

Holy crap, look at Dictionary's definition; its several pages long. Reading...

Number 4 is great!

Frank and communicative; not given to deception or concealment
Involving no concealment, restraint, or deception; welcoming discussion, criticism, and inquiry

Can we hold open this door?

Why is there a door? Is there one? You came right in. Three years ago. We need that date.

I feel it, our shared air, moving freely. Clean, fresh... new.

It sweeps through the old fear, the old stuff; the useless, wet baggage of old tears.

A whisper, a laugh, and now sleep.

Open.

Re: Daily Download #00001

2008-02-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know that I could have explained it better. And I don't think my response requires much more than: I love you too.

And agreed - we're golden. Our ability to communicate, our understanding of each other... as long as that doesn't dissipate, which we'll work on preventing, we're fine. Regardless of which avenue The Us Project takes.

I had such an amazing day. I really didn't want you to go. You have an amazing ability to make me feel content, safe. And your touch is...

Love.

Daily Download #00001

2008-02-24T21:56:00.000-08:00

I love you.

And its easy. No effort, no trying, no overcoming.

Its just there inside me, because you exist.

Love. For you.

That's where we start, where we get the energy to begin.

By using the word in the beginning, it can't be used later for manipulation, or in desperation.

Nonetheless, I use it honestly. I do love you. But I also love my mom, Jeff, trees, photography, all kinds of people and stuff.

So love isn't the problem, or the solution. Its just love, bubbling away inside me, providing energy and inspiration. Its great!

So instead of wondering does he/she love me, lets take that for granted. We do.

What then? When the question of love is absent, what questions are left?

How about does he/she respect me, understand me?

Respect and understanding are hard, MUCH harder than love.

Love is a gift, given freely. Understanding is work.

Understanding takes time, listening, curiosity, attention, and consideration.

The desire to understand you means I want to know you, so that I might fit seamlessly into your world.

Respect is even harder. Respect is life-long effort.

Respect flows from understanding, as a reflection on that understanding.

Respect is admiration for your abilities, qualities, or achievements, according to Dictionary. :)

But its also: "due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others", and that's the life-long effort.

To respect you is to understand what you wish of me, of yourself, of the world, and the life we share in that world.

And finally, the really hard stuff.

From understanding and respect must come ACTION and WORK. I must actually do things that reflect my understanding and respect for you.

I must actually live the love, understanding, and respect; put them
all together and provide for you the best I can be.

That's hard, and its the fulcrum of bliss.

So.

Love is easy. I was specifically designed to love you. Loving you takes no effort.

The success, or failure, of anything we try to build, will not be due to love's presence or absence.

The success of The Us Project depends entirely on the things that are HARD, that take effort.

And if we are such a good fit that the hard stuff turns out to be not so hard, well, we will indeed owe [a friend] big-time.

Thanks for today.

We only get a few days on earth, and it sucks to waste 'em.

-Him